Saluting the Unsung Heroes

A dear friend recently posted this on Facebook and was thoughtful enough to tag me, writing a blurb about her admiration for women who raise children without the benefit of a dad in the home. After my initial reaction of pride and appreciation, I was struck by the irony that this graphic did the opposite of its probable intent by its creator: It reminded me how not alone I truly am. And it gave me the inspiration to unmask the true superheroes who guarantee this every day.


You see, Ella has an entire army of dads at her disposal every day of the week. Most of them are not related to her biologically, none of them live in her house, not a single one is romantically involved with her mother. Nonetheless, they are Ella's dads, men who take the extra time to give my girl the positive male attention and encouragement that will help to prevent her from becoming a sad statistic, one who seeks male attention from less honorable boys and suffers potentially disastrous consequences.

The rest of the world proceeds unaware of their Superhero status. But in Ella's eyes there is nothing they can't do, and in my heart lies the assurance that there is nothing they wouldn't do for her. Every single one is.a Clark Kent in his daily life. But make no mistake, these are super men.

Gary KItts
Gary Kitts came into Ella's life in 2008, when he reconnected with his childhood friend, my mother, and fell in love. For Ella, the phenomenon of these two falling for one another was secondary. Tuff Kitts was her Papa at first sight. He is the man who shows Ella with every interaction with his wife exactly how a man treats a woman he loves. He has set the bar sky high for any future Romeos who come to call, and you can be sure that any boy who wants to so much as buy her yogurt had better pass muster with Papa first. Gary, or Papa Tuff as Ella refers to him, has a gift for making Ella feel special. When they are together, there is no one else in the world. Ella has nary a worry when the Dads and Donuts flyers are circulated at school as some girls of single mothers might. She knows Papa is just the man for the occasion. He is her source of sugar products when there are none at home, her guide in the forest when she is on the hunt, and the proudest spectator in the auditorium when she dances.

Bruce Board
I'f Gary Kitts were not my father, I would want Bruce Board to be. All my life he has been there for me, and he carries that tradition on with Ella. Ella has the privilege of witnessing one of the healthiest father-daughter relationships I have seen when she spends time with Great Uncle Bruce and Cousin Casey. If a boy somehow manages to secure the approval of her Papa, then he better have the good humor, affection and genuine warmth of her Uncle Bruce, because this is the yardstick by which Ella will measure the future father of her own children. Bruce never fails to engage Ella about the things that matter to her and his hugs and warm meals are always certain to satisfy.

Andy Wert, Brian Kitts and Jim Kitts

Being the brother of a single woman with a young daughter may appear burdensome to lesser men, but my brothers three take it in stride and each exhibits paternal qualities that provide Ella with security, fun, and love. From my brother Andy's quiet strength and constancy, Ella gleans a sense of security and serenity. The fiercest of storms may rage outside the beach house we rent together each summer, but with Uncle Andy around, fear is the farthest thing from Ella's mind.. Uncle Brian, with his unrelenting mischief and spirit of fun, provides an element of levity for a girl who spends the bulk of her time with her very intense mother. Uncle Jim hosts Ella every spring for a week and makes no distinction between his own girls and Ella when she is there.

Andrew Stanaland

Andrew met Ella when.on the first day of preschool, she ran over his daughter Claire on a tricycle. Despite this bumpy beginning. Andrew went on to become Ella's first tee ball coach and Claire remains one of her closest confidantes. Andrew gave Ella her first baseball, a pink polka dot orb that held a place of honor on her dresser for years. Andrew never hesitates to jump in when a male hand is needed, whether it be driving the boat so the girls can tube or showing them how to construct a fire pit for smores and campfire chats. And his pancakes are like nothing else to Ella. From Andrew Ella has learned that fathers are fun, and that she Is always welcome to join in.

Kyle Shukis

Kyle was one of Ella's earliest dance coaches. He instilled a discipline and work ethic in Ella that she to this day carries with her into every dance class and rehearsal. It crosses the threshold of the schoolhouse door every morning and ensures that her diet is impeccably healthy. In the midst of all those tutus and little girls in buns, he noticed her. Girls need to be noticed for the right reasons, and Kyle did that for Ella. When he left the studio to pursue other opportunities, Ella vocalized her devastation at losing a "Dad". How thrilling for her last November to learn that he had seen her solo at Jump and was proud, not because she had executed the choreography flawlessly or won the approbation of the judges, but because he could see the fruits of those early lessons in how to work hard for what you want to achieve and was moved that she had developed the confidence to try. That text from him meant more than any trophy ever could.

Glen Chilcote

Glen Chilcote is Ella's music teacher. Ella is convinced that he walks on water, or at least creates harmonies impossible for other mere mortals to produce when he swims. He has inspired Ella and instilled confidence in her musical abilities. He has reinforced for her that she is inherently valuable because of God-given abilities and talents. She works hard for him to be sure, but she never has to try to gain his acceptance.. This is a lesson many girls learn at Daddy's knee;Ella is learning it every time she goes to music This man enriches the life of every child with whom he comes in contact, but when such a man gives so generously of himself to a fatherless girl, the impact is stunning.


I owe each of these men a debt I can never repay. And this blog entry is a paltry token of appreciation. But I want each of them to always know that Ella and I are not fooled by their Clark Kent demeanors. Each time we see them, we see their capes flying and our spirits soar.

So despite what the graphic says, I am no superhero- I just know where to find them.